When my mind starts to go round and round and thoughts of fear, doubt, jealousy, excuses, and anxiety arise, I can feel everything getting hazy inside. It’s like being in a TV show game where I am in a little cabin and bills are flying everywhere and I am trying to catch as many as I can.
This is how my mind feels in those moments, watching and waiting to see what thought sticks to my consciousness.
Reflecting on this confusion leads me to wonder what it really means. It is not a natural state for me, nor one in which I spend a lot of time. So if I find myself in that situation, I know that there is something important behind it.
Everything in life has a purpose, there is a hidden message in every experience, and I just have to know how to read it. So I sit and observe what goes on in my mind.
Suddenly I see that the board of directors is in session; I feel how my consciousness fades a bit as all the members gain strength and prominence. Present is Mr. David Doubt, Mrs. Jenny Jealousy, Ms. Nadine Know-it-all, Mr. Axel Anxious, and Don Freddy Fear. Each of them comes with energy and determination, ready to present their case and win the argument.
And I realize the five of them are already arguing; I didn’t even know they were already in session. I’ve had no time to prepare my arguments to dismantle their little play. But I am no longer a naive girl who gets carried away by the plot and ends up a victim. Now I know that I always win; I just have to figure out what they want to tell me.
- Mr. David Doubt questions everything I do and who I am. He wants to undermine my beliefs about my personal superpowers, especially my ability to control my thoughts and create my own reality. He wants to sow the seed of doubt in my decisions and make me wonder if I’m on the right track.
- Ms. Jenny Jealousy wants me to feel inferior to others. She doesn’t want me to be happy about other people’s achievements; she constantly compares me to them and assumes that they are always in a better position.
- Ms. Nadine Know-it-all tries to cover my humility and curiosity. She always has an answer for everything and an even better story. Her goal is to combat feelings of not being enough with facts and information.
- Mr. Axel Anxious is always impatient and his impatience fuels more doubts in my faith and in my process. He wants me to despair and uses limiting and false beliefs from the past to show that time is an indicator of success. He wants me to believe that if I don’t get quick results, I’m on the wrong track.
- And finally, we have Don Freddy Fear, the president of the board. He thinks that because of his seniority, he will always win. He uses whatever he can to induce fight, flight, or freeze. Any of these three reactions, as long as I stay away from the path of love.
Being able to recognize these characters as external to me was a game-changer. Now I know that when they take control of my mind, all I have to do is align with love, which is the essence of my higher, inner self, my true self. The part of me that is not my body or my mind. I call it soul.
These members of the board are just voices that distract and confuse me. That is their job. So now that I know their game, I want to share it with you. Perhaps a similar board operates in your head and knowing that they are not you can disarm their negative arguments and redirect your attention towards love and compassion, towards yourself.
Deciphering the message of my confusion, I understand I am confused for one of these 4 reasons:
- confusion appears as a distraction because there is something I need to focus on and I am avoiding it;
- something happened that made me uncomfortable because it revealed a truth about myself that I did not want to face at that moment;
- I felt vulnerable for sharing, for putting myself in the eye of the tiger and I wanted to hide; or
- I needed to stop, breathe, and be present.
Whatever the message, it always has to do with getting back in alignment with my soul, with love. That’s where the truth is—my truth. I am sure that you too can find your truth on the same frequency; love is universal. Try it the next time your board of directors comes into session.
