Recently, I adopted a rescue dog—a one-year-old German shepherd. As is true of most rescue dogs, he was an anxious, insecure puppy. Nonetheless, I stood in front of him and gently petted his head.
I was surprised when he cringed and backed away. I then remembered that his experience with humans before his rescue had been less than ideal. Much less. I tried another approach.
I waited a moment, then stood by his side, facing in the same direction that he was facing. I reached down and petted his head. No cringing. I petted his long neck, and down his back, and soon he was leaning against me, content, no longer insecure.
Ah, the power of together!
A study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology describes groups of participants working on tasks in separate rooms with no visual or other contact with each other.
Those who were told they were working “together” with participants in other room worked longer, solved more problems correctly, and felt better at the end of the task than those who simply worked on the task alone without any mention of “together.”
When I stood next to my dog, my body language said that I was his all—one with him, energetically speaking. We were working “together,” which you can do with a partner, friend, co-worker, employee, or family member any time you want to accomplish something that requires someone else’s participation.
For example, you don’t agree with your partner on the purchase of a big-ticket item, on the choice of schooling for your child, or even on how to get the housework done. Instead of sitting across a table from each other—or worse, yelling across the room at each other—let your body language signal “we’re in this together.”
Sit side-by-side at the table or on the couch. Share a single tablet on which you both jot down your ideas or fill in the “pro” and “con” columns. These simple physical adjustments are all it takes to get the energy of “together” going in your discussion, which will make a satisfying resolution flow far more easily.
Besides, it’s so much more fun to be facing life side by side, pointing in the same direction, don’t you think? My dog certainly does.
