Experiencing grief is a natural part of life that we all go through at some point, yet the process of grieving the loss of a loved one is unique for everyone. Even with prior experience, navigating grief can be rather challenging both emotionally and mentally, and sometimes even physically.
When grief made a recent visit to my life, it hit particularly deep in my heart and soul. My beloved nephew unexpectedly died in a tragic accident and left behind a 22-month-old son.
The shock of what had happened, the unchartered territory of walking beside my sister who had experienced something no mother should ever go through, along with managing the logistical business side of death left me with a messy tangle of emotions.
In the moment, it felt like time had stopped. There was a sense of utter disbelief over what had happened entangled with a strange mix of numbness and profound emotional pain.
Even today, a few months after the accident, the waves of grief continue to roll in. Sometimes those waves bring with them a wallop of emotions and tears lasting a few minutes. Other times grief decides to hang around a day or two leaving me wanting to retreat from the world.
As human beings, grief may show up in our lives in a variety of ways. Perhaps you are the one grieving the loss of a loved one, or you are supporting someone who is grieving. Maybe you are faced with the conundrum of supporting a grieving loved one while your own heart is simultaneously in tatters.
One moment, out of the blue, you might find yourself teary-eyed as you are thinking about your loved one who has passed. Other times you might experience feeling shut down or checked out.
There may also be times when you find yourself reminiscing or laughing fondly in honor of your departed loved one. Or any combination of these things might occur. The grief process can be a complex, often fickle and rather mercurial beast.
Insights and Tips for Navigating Grief
While there is no way to bypass or fast forward through the process of grieving, here are some insights that can help you navigate the grief process in a healthy way:
- There is no requirement for the amount of grief you suffer to match the depth of love that you have for your loved one who has passed.
Your loved one wants you to live joyfully rather than miserably suffer while mistakenly thinking you are doing so in their honor. - The tendency to clutch tight to heartache and emotional pain can happen because it’s the most recent feeling you have in your heart connecting you to those no longer physically present.
Holding on to the heartache keeps you stuck in grief and unfortunately won’t bring back your loved one. Practice healthy emotional processing and self-care throughout the grieving process and be sure to seek out related support as needed. - Staying deeply entrenched in the heavy emotions of grief blocks you from connecting with or receiving messages and signs from your loved one in their new “spirit” form.
By acknowledging, processing, and releasing emotions of grief as they arise, it’s easier to notice the subtle signs that your loved one is still around you. Common signs include seeing birds or butterflies, smelling certain scents, or feeling like they are there with you. - By allowing yourself to remember the happy memories that you experienced with your loved one, you celebrate the good they brought to the world and to you personally.
It’s okay to laugh and reminisce in honor of the funny moments, good times, and special connection that you shared with them. - You can simultaneously grieve and live.
Fully engaging in life and living in the present moment honors your loved one. They want you to enjoy the experience of living in a human body and embracing all that life on this earth has to offer. On days when you are feeling up to it, go do something fun, exciting, adventurous, or new in their honor. As you do so, you’ll come to realize that over time the pain and sadness begin to lessen yet your connection with your loved one remains.
Bringing It All Together
Grieving the loss of a loved one is an inevitable part of life. Your process of grieving will be unique to you and the circumstances. While there is no way to fast forward or skip over the grieving process, there are key insights that you can apply to navigate grief in a healthy way.
To best support your well-being, it’s important to process emotions as they arise, engage in regular self-care, reminisce over the happy times you shared with your loved one, and give yourself permission to truly live while you grieve. In doing so, you honor your loved one. Over time you begin to heal and realize the loving bond you share with this special person always remains.
This article is dedicated to my beloved nephew Justin. Auntie loves you. Always.
