“Always say ‘yes’ to the present moment.… Surrender to what is. Say ‘yes’ to life—and see how life starts suddenly to start working for you rather than against you.”
—Eckhart Tolle
Has anyone ever told you that you should just surrender to something going on in your life? Did you find yourself wondering, “So I should just give up on myself (or my dream job, or my preferred partner, or fill in the blank)?”
Well, the answer is yes and also no! Helpful, right?
Let’s start with the “no” answer. Often when we hear the word surrender, we think it means giving up, waving the white flag, and admitting we don’t have what it takes to win this particular battle. However, that’s not the meaning of surrender in the spiritual context.
Surrender here means exactly what Eckhart Tolle says in the quote above. It means to completely accept whatever is going on as the “is-ness” of this moment.
Don’t get me wrong. Acceptance doesn’t mean you must be thrilled, pleased, or happy with the moment (although that may be an option). It simply means that you’re no longer working against this moment by demanding it to be different than it is.
And the simple truth is that it can’t be different than it is. It cannot be changed. But we can do something even more powerful—and that is to simply acknowledge the situation as it is and accept it.
Acceptance isn’t the same as approval. Think about it. Acceptance has a neutral tone while approval generally involves a positive mindset.
Here’s an example. Let’s say your beloved pet has died. You wish with all your heart this wasn’t so. But wishing it to be different doesn’t change the fact that your dog is dead. And that certainly doesn’t have your approval.
But accepting that your dog has crossed the rainbow bridge is a softening. It is a yes to the contents of the present moment even though it’s not the preferred outcome. You can now move through the grief process with a little more grace. It still may not be easy, but you’re no longer fighting the truth of this moment.
Now let’s focus on the “yes” response. Yes, you should give up. But not on yourself or the dream job. What you can give up is the illusion of control that you are forcing on this moment.
Perhaps things didn’t turn out the way you wanted them to when you got yet another no after your last job interview. You’re so frustrated you just want to scream or cry or both! And hey, I’m not saying that’s a bad idea. Feel those emotions so you can process them and move on.
You can, however, accept that the answer this time was not what you were hoping it would be. Now you’re no longer resisting the fact that you didn’t get the job.
Once you are in acceptance of the facts, you have room to allow potential new solutions to arise. The Universe may just have a job waiting on the horizon that’s much more suited to your skills and that you’d be unavailable for had you gotten this job.
So you can see that surrender is not a position of weakness. It’s an openness and a new availability to the unknown, which is impossible for us to control with our limited view of any situation.
If you’re still struggling with the idea of surrender and think it means waving the white flag on your desired outcome, it may be helpful to choose a different word. You might use soften, allow, or simply accept.
When you can accept the present moment, no matter what it is, you are in a stronger position to move forward. You let go of resistance and surrender to all the new possibilities that will now become available to you. And instead of waving a white flag, you’ll get the checkered flag you didn’t even know existed.
