Have you ever made a decision that felt like a setback instead of a step forward?
When I left my marriage, it took me a while to find my footing; not only was my relationship ending but I was leaving the business I had built with my ex-husband. It felt as if I had to establish a new career and life all at once, while also caring for our two young children.
It took more than a year to establish some momentum, but finally I had a new job and was moving forward. My fresh start still had its challenges; I now lived three hours away from my entire support network of family and friends, including my children’s father.
After six months, I was exhausted, and I had to admit things were not going as planned. My children missed their father terribly and the bi-monthly weekends they spent together never seemed like enough.
In a rather abrupt decision, I changed course, quit my job and moved back into my marital home. At the time it didn’t feel like a step back; it was the obvious right choice.
However, I soon realized I left the comfort of full time employment to return to less than ideal circumstances. I found myself financially strapped and dependent. Another blow came when my ex-husband asked if he could move into the basement.
It felt like things went from bad to worse overnight and I questioned my own sanity several times over the next few months. I let myself fall into old stories, feeling like a failure who hadn’t quite learned her lessons.
What finally helped me shake off my pity party?
1. Own It
I am almost embarrassed to admit I spent several months crying over my decision, paralyzed and feeling as if I had made a huge mistake. I am not exactly sure why, but in a moment of clarity I realized I had to stop telling myself the victim story, own my decision, and move forward.
My new mantra became “This Is Temporary.” I stopped whining about my circumstances and my poor decisions and decided that my situation was not permanent—instead it was merely a moment in time.
2. Reflect
I realized I could use this “setback” as a time for reflection. Living three hours away from my support system did not work for me or my children. I needed space but my children needed to be close to their dad. Now, having my ex living in my basement was a bit too close, but I could handle us living in the same town.
The experience helped me define what was important to me and, ultimately, I chose support over what initially felt like freedom.
3. Get Clear
The experience also helped me refine what I wanted. Prior to the end of my marriage, I was able to work a flexible schedule in our company. This gave me time to put our children’s schedules and needs first. Spending time with them was my priority.
Clarity gave me the nudge to ask for what I wanted and the courage to start my own business. Within a few months I landed three contracts which gave me what I needed—income and flexibility. It’s been three years now and I haven’t looked back.
4. Lean on the Divine
When my marriage ended, I made the very human assumption that I needed to figure it all out on my own. I suddenly felt the need to be extra responsible; the ups and downs of my previous entrepreneurial career seemed like a risk I could not afford to take.
It wasn’t until I left room for the Divine that the real magic started. I didn’t have to figure it all out on my own. I had a clear direction and opportunities flooded in that were exactly what I needed at the time.
Our decisions provide us the opportunity to reflect and to move forward with increased clarity. We can learn to make the best of our decisions when we claim them, stop judging ourselves, and, instead, choose to use their lessons to move forward in a clear and directed way.
