“Come to the edge.
We might fall.
Come to the edge.
It’ too high.
COME TO THE EDGE
And they came,
And he pushed.
And they flew.”
These words form the contemporary poet Christopher Logue illustrate the power and freedom that awaits us when we allow ourselves to venture beyond the present moment and conditions. When we push beyond the uncomfortable comfort zone.
We get so wrapped up in our troubles, and the expectations we have of others in our lives, that we cannot see beyond the illusion of “I’ll be happy when…” And this is where our conditional living starts, where we give our power away to others and become dependent on their approval or actions for our well-being.
We want others to either approve of us or for them to behave in ways of which we approve. Thus, our happiness is always based on the condition that someone does something. That is conditional living, and it is disempowering.
You want to be happy no matter what others do or say. You have the right and ability to be happy if you choose, if you just start practicing being true to yourself. This is a choice we must make every day as we start our day, saying to ourselves, “Today I am going to be happy and not allow anyone or anything to upset me.”
This means you start and continue throughout your day focusing on the things that make you happy and not the things that don’t. Sure, we all have the irritations of traffic, a delayed flight, or cold coffee that are mildly annoying, but do not allow these to scupper your mood and your day.
In other words, thinking you can only be happy if everything runs perfectly smoothly in your life. Again, we all know this is unlikely as we do not control the traffic or flights. However, what you do control is your reaction to these situations.
Use the slow traffic to listen to an inspiring podcast or your favourite music. Use the time at the airport to read a good book or phone someone you have been meaning to but as yet have not.
When you decide to be happy, you will look for and find ways to be happy. However, if you go through life with knee-jerk reactions to all the little things, your life and happiness will always be conditional and see-saw from peak to valley to peak, a never-ending loop of ups and downs.
If I change my mindset and attitude to one of self-empowerment and self-reliance, then my happiness is my responsibility alone. My happiness will no longer see-saw because I choose how I feel and respond. I don’t just react.
Waiting for others to change so we can be happy is like putting lipstick on a mirror. You walk away from the mirror, and nothing has changed. You are still needy, insecure, and vulnerable. Fortunately, you do have a choice and positive choices have empowering consequences, a sort of cause and effect.
Similarly, you cannot rely on someone else to make you happy or to make you feel worthy. It is unfair to them and to you. That, in a sense, takes away their freedom, for if they care they will try to gain your approval and in doing so will not be true to themselves.
This is not how life works; it is not sustainable. At least not if you want it to work for you, and not just sometimes but all the time. We are each responsible for our own happiness. We can then bring a whole, healthy, happy person into any relationship. Then, you do not need to seek or give approval.
You are okay being you. And, of course, you need to allow other people to be who they want to be. They, too, to have the inalienable right to happiness on their own terms.
“This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.”
—William Shakespeare, Hamlet
