I recently came across an article that described perfectly what I, and I suspect many of you, have been feeling—helplessness and lack of energy. Some days I do not want to watch the news, open my email, or turn on any social media. I just want to hide from the world!
It is easy to point fingers and blame a person or political party for the division and the pain that we feel. Charismatic leaders make speeches, and we cheer if their opinions match our experience and our base of knowledge. If they don’t match, we are quick to discount what they say. I am not without blame.
We can ignore the media and all the daily negative overload to a certain point, but I am an economist and keeping up with the financial markets and everything that affects them (which is about everything in our world) is in my blood. It is my passion.
There are three steps—I call them my three Cs—that help me overcome the negativity.
Calm
My first step is to put myself in a state of calm, where my mind is not racing with news, to-dos, or even panic. How do I do this? These are several things that help me.
When I can, I love to hike or just sit in nature. As I focus my attention on trees, wildflowers, birds and animals, I drink in their natural beauty including their sounds and smells.
I am fortunate that I have a generous sister and brother-in-law who share their wooded cabin with family. On a recent weekend there, I sat on the porch and watched the tree leaves and pine needles blow in the wind. I drank in the smell of the forest after rain, and I was transformed! The activities and worries of my busy week left and I was at peace.
Another way that I receive a sense of calm is through touch. I feel blessed to have a loving partner whose touch calms me, especially when I am overwhelmed with worries or anxieties. The love I feel when he holds my hand or wraps his arms around me gives me a sense that all is right with the world.
For you it may be a beloved pet that nudges you for attention or gives you a loving lick. A hug from my grandchildren makes any day brighter!
Music is a calming force in my life, too. Songs that bring back memories of a special day or time make me smile. Some have special meanings and those my partner, a musician, plays are welcome friends. Some compositions take me to faraway places while others touch my soul.
Meditation also calms me, although I admit that I am not a regular practitioner. For me, it is not important if I sit or lay down, I just try to shut out the world around me. Every time a thought, worry, or idea comes to mind, I push it aside to focus on “nothing”—the blackness I see when my eyes are closed. Before I know it, I sense my calm.
Compassion
Do you ever have days when you feel sorry for yourself? I do! We all have “pity parties.” When I lived in North Carolina, a dear friend would call me out, but now that we are thousands of miles apart I must remind myself.
The best way I’ve found to break out of a “pity party” is to find something I can do for someone else. That is not difficult. Perhaps there is a friend who is lonely, or is struggling with a medical issue, or has recently lost a pet. They may live next door or in a different state or country. It does not matter.
Certainly, those who suffer from tragedy, famine, or war deserve my compassion. My attention is drawn to those situations by the media. If I look around my local community, however, there are people in need.
When I see a car accident or hear a fire engine or ambulance, I pray for those involved and their families. It is amazing to me how a simple prayer or a loving thought can change my attitude and even my view of the world.
Connection
That brings me to the third C and the next step after I feel compassion—make a connection. I might place a call to my friend or set a coffee or lunch date. I might send a note or bring flowers. Even a thought or prayer, as I mentioned above, can be a connection.
During the isolation period of COVID, one of my neighbors took treats to others in our condo development and left them outside their door. She loves to bake, and she found a way to connect.
I love to do almost anything with my family, especially my grandchildren! Their stories and antics and smiles warm my heart and bring me great joy. However, I am estranged from one of my sons and his family, including his three beautiful daughters.
I miss watching them as they grow and miss celebrating their successes. What I do, however, is write notes and put gifts for each of them in a box. I hope that one day they will find the box and feel my love.
In my opinion, the best gift I can give someone else is to listen. I work at active listening. It is so easy to let my thoughts stray or to think about what I want to say next or even to discount what someone who believes differently than me is saying.
Have you ever asked someone to repeat something, not because of hearing difficulties, but because of lack of attention? I have. But when I connect by active listening, it not only makes the other person feel heard, but I also feel better about myself and often I learn something important.
I deal with daily life through calm, compassion, and connection. You may have a special way that you deal with the turbulence in our world. I hope that you will share it!
