“You have no choice. You must leave your ego on the doorstep before you enter love.”
—Kamand Kojouri
Self-love is an inside job. It’s about fully accepting yourself and loving what makes you unique, instead of seeking validation through your performance. It’s treating yourself with kindness and respect even when you feel uncertain about your choices or circumstances.
Self-love is a healthy choice for your mind, body, and soul. However, it is not always easy to achieve. You encourage greater self-love by carving out time for yourself, engaging in mindful activities, and connecting with things you’re passionate about.
You can fuel a deeper love for your authentic Self, ignite greater inner passion, and connect with the divine by nurturing your mind, body, and soul with self-love practices and self-acknowledgment. Yet, even as you engage in these practices, you may find that you struggle to connect with a more profound love for your Self.
Why do you find yourself struggling with true, authentic self-love?
The greatest obstruction to self-love is your ego. The ego is the part of the psyche that’s preoccupied with the Self and the external world and driven by the need to maintain and protect the Self.
This can interfere with your ability to love yourself, because it can cause you to be overly critical and judgmental of your own thoughts, feelings, and actions. It can also lead you to focus on your flaws and insecurities, which can make it harder to love yourself.
When you loosen the ego’s grip and focus inward, you can evoke a deeper self-love. You’ll then feel more passion in your everyday life and discover greater success that comes with ease—and without the ego.
Here are seven ways to loosen the ego’s grip:
1. Practice mindfulness and cultivate self-awareness.
Self-awareness is an internal guide that lets you know when Self-love is needed and the ego must be checked. When you slow down and move mindfully and intentionally during each moment of your day, you cultivate greater awareness of your mind, body, and soul. Pause before starting something and inquire about the intention behind it.
2. Show compassion towards yourself and others.
When you show compassion towards yourself and others, you acknowledge that everyone has a right to practice what they love without judgment. Help others when they’re in need. Celebrate their accomplishments.
Also, be kind and forgiving to yourself. When you learn to love yourself, despite your mistakes, the ego has less power over you. See mistakes as opportunities to learn something new and move forward with greater wisdom and understanding.
3. Let go of judgment and comparison.
The ego loves to compare the Self to others. It will imply that something is not worth doing if your performance is not perfect. This is to protect itself from failure or inadequacy. Remind yourself that your journey is not to be compared with that of other people, as you are a unique individual. Celebrate your successes and the successes of others to loosen the ego’s grip of envy.
4. Question the validity of your thoughts and beliefs.
Your thoughts and beliefs often come from long-ingrained conditioning deep in the subconscious mind. However, these beliefs may no longer serve your best interests. Keep a journal to record these outdated thoughts and your ideas about more valid beliefs. The ego has less control when you can see things from a different perspective.
5. Challenge yourself to think outside your comfort zone.
The ego is the voice in your head telling you that something’s not possible. It fears failure and disappointment. Feel the fear and step out of your comfort zone anyway. You might surprise yourself or learn something new during the process.
6. Acknowledge and accept your limits.
Your ego will often tell you that you can’t do something. However, it can also push you to be an overachiever. It may tell you that you have to do it all and please everyone in order to be adequate and successful. Be mindful of when the ego is pushing you too far in this direction and pause to check in with yourself.
7. Seek outside help and feedback.
You don’t need to feel shame or embarrassment when you ask for help—that’s your ego talking. Learn something new or gain greater insight into your actions by embracing the wealth of knowledge from your friends, family, and associates.
Choosing Self-love over the control of the ego is an internal shift. When you invoke a deep love for your authentic Self and connect with your greatest passions, you can transform your life from struggle to ease.
