I have certain friends who I love to spend time with. When we’re together, we talk about things we love and are passionate about: good food, music, our kids, dancing, vacations, yoga, even our aspirations, dreams and long-term goals. We’ve become close over the years because we share deeply about who we are. I feel like I really know these people because they share with me what they love – a precious commodity.
On the contrary, I have other acquaintances who only share their bad news. They use complaining and gossip as regular conversation starters. I hate to admit it, but I sometimes avoid them altogether because I don’t want to get caught up in a negative conversation. I can’t tell you much about them. I don’t know what makes them happy. They don’t make what they “love” common knowledge.
Sharing bad news, in general, acts like a wall between you and others. It’s hard for people to get beyond the barrier of gloom and doom to really get to know you. Listeners may even feel pressured to provide answers or advice. Every time we bring a negative situation to others, we are avoiding the necessary work of managing our own lives, and putting it on the shoulders of people we love. Constant drama drains the energy of relationships. Over time, people just give up on trying to help the hopeless.
But a LOVE conversation… Wow! That sticks with you like a satisfying gourmet meal. We remember these talks long after we part. They build an energy of excitement and possibility that inspires and motivates us.Love conversations tie people together because when we talk honestly about what we love, we expose our desire for a life of passion and beauty. When we start a love conversation, we offer others a gift – a small slip of our soul.
I hope I’m not misunderstood. I’m not trying to be insensitive. I know there are times in life when we really need a sympathetic ear, but we should reserve those times and their fragile topics for people who can hold them gently. We could even set up personal limits – maybe allowing ourselves one crisis intervention every three to four months. Limits like these force us to work (on our own) through the minor challenges that are part of everyone’s life.
Try to practice creating conversations that make people feel good. When you approach others, be prepared to talk about the things you love and cherish in life. Sharing what matters in your life lets others see you more clearly and connect with you in a genuine way. Asking others about what they love and what excites them lets them know you appreciate them on a fundamental level.
In real life (vs. social media), starting conversations with what we love may seem a little selfish at first; but talking about the exciting things we are doing and the great parts of our lives actually helps others in a unique way. Spreading good news is like sprinkling a little hope out there for others. We can build momentum for the positive which makes it more accessible for others.
Just be prepared to keep a balance between all the parties in a conversation. Talk about yourself, yeah; but be ready to listen too. Be the one person with an invitation for others to appreciate and share the greatest parts of themselves regularly, openly and excitedly, as if it were the most normal thing in the world.
