I got my pink slip today. I knew it was coming, but I thought that I had more time to emotionally prepare. The actual firing is a year away. You see, my youngest child just officially became a senior in high school. The baby! The first two I practically held the door open for and helped them pack. This child hits hard. She’s the baby. The LAST one.
My full time job as a professional hands-on mom is coming to an end. No gold watch, no engraved plaque. Like with the first two, boundaries will be set and I’ll grin and bear it each time I’m reminded that I’ve gone over the line. The new mom rules can be so hard—too close, too demanding, too smothering. It’s a constant mantra of “Remember to not overdue it.”
My days are so full. Between my full time job, meals, school forms, sporting events, plays, parties, sleepovers, homework patrol, outfit critiques, and answering texts I never had time to do “me.” I was always so busy doing “them.”
Years of stuffed passions, desires, and dares wedged down into my core. My memory of those perceived thrills, gone. If that joy can’t be tapped into, you can’t know what to ask for physically, emotionally, spiritually or financially.
I see a lot of women like me. Women who have been handed an empty nest, not even having asked for one. The days are too long and the house is too damn quiet. They wander into empty rooms looking for a purpose. Looking for a new role.
Everything begins to hit a nerve. They are personally offended when their partner is 10 minutes late. They resent the easy giggles when hearing the latest water cooler rumor. Doesn’t he know that I’m lost? Doesn’t he know that I’ve broken down twice today?
Whether you’ve gotten your pink slip or know it’s coming, prepare for the bumpy ride. Prep makes the difference between the cyclone white knuckle ride or the soothing carousel.
Luckily, I’ve written a prep strategy for you. Use these 5 tips to find balance in your transition. If you willingly embrace this mothering rite of passage, it will eventually even out into a new, exciting chapter of adventure and joy.
1. DETOX from the noise.
Unplug from the constant distracting background noise. Do you reach for the radio before your seatbelt is even on? Does it really matter who Maury proclaims the “baby daddy” to be? Start with a day of being unplugged and then slowly increase the amount of time. Get to know that inner voice again. Learn to enjoy your own company. After all, who else is with you 24/7?
2. FIND a tribe.
Talk with others who are in your situation. You’re not alone. Find a support group, coaching group, or Facebook buddies in the same situation.
3. KEEP your baggage with you.
Don’t kiss your children goodbye with a heavy burden of knowing that you feel lost without them. It’s not their issue to worry over. Put your big girl panties on and work through it.
4. DON’T resort to quick fixes.
There’s nothing better than a shopping spree to get the adrenaline going. Don’t resort to temporary, fast “feel goods” for an instant high. Nothing good EVER comes from an affair, overeating, drinking to excess, or drugging.
5. DELIGHT in the miracle of your children.
You created those miracles. You’ve gotten them ready to go out into the world, support themselves (sortakinda), and become productive members of society. That’s HUGE!!!
Going through any life transition can be difficult. The stress can paralyze our ability to cope. It can negatively affect our well-being and ability to function as well as we would like.
Sometimes we need help taking back control. Get support if stuck. Partner with SOMEONE who can lovingly put you on solid ground. In hindsight, a crisis is always a blessing. It forces us to get honest and take good care of ourselves.
You’ve spent decades caring for everyone else. It’s your turn.
