We all need them, but it’s not always easy to create boundaries, especially with those we love. If you are like me you choose to see the best in people even if it’s not how they choose to show up at that moment.
You see potential. You see love. And when these individuals do things that are hurtful towards you there may be many times in which you chalk it up to the struggles in their own life.
The problem is that when others act in ways which are not loving towards us and we don’t say anything, then nothing changes. If someone is not told their behavior is unacceptable, what is to keep them from acting that way again?
It’s like when we were young children: If we put our hand over the wall outlet and fingers close to the holes in which we plug in electronics but our parents say nothing, we will likely do it again until there is a consequence we don’t like. It’s no different with adults.
We all get preoccupied with our own life and sometimes forget about how we are showing up for others. We may be overwhelmed, rushed, and stressed. This may come off as anxious, impatient, bossy, demanding, or even angry in the moment.
We aren’t responsible for how others receive our communication, but we are responsible for how we deliver it and our actions. It’s our responsibility to keep our emotions in check because they often lead to our actions.
Having the same reaction to an event or experience over and over again? There is probably some healing that needs to be done. Often those around us are our mirrors. People reflect back to us what needs to be healed. Unfortunately, in the process we many times engage in unkind, unloving behaviors.
This is not to fault anyone as this is how us humans process life. And it is a wonderful feedback mechanism that allows us to stop, reflect, and make choices as to how we want to show up. We are given feedback on where our hearts may be hurting and on work that is important for us to do in order to have the fulfilling life we desire.
Not only is it important for us to have boundaries for others, it’s important to have them for ourselves as well. What does that mean? It means that if you are having a difficult day, week, or time in your life and know that you are not showing up as your highest self you don’t repeatedly beat yourself up. It means you calm the self-talk. It means you offer yourself love.
It means you take the time to stop, reflect, and find ways in which you can nurture yourself to get back to showing up in a way that you feel proud of in life. Yes, we can have boundaries for us. We can tell ourselves it’s time to take that break, stop spinning the wheels, meditate, spend time in nature, and get re-centered. If we don’t work well, our life doesn’t work well.
Honor your own needs, whether that’s self-care in the form of boundary setting or time away from all the things which lead you to feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and unhappy. You are the only one who can create your own happiness.
The outside world may be pushing you in many ways, but it cannot create misery nor can it create joy. It is you who decides what meaning to assign to every event and circumstance you encounter. And that’s the good thing.
You and only you get to decide how your life will feel based on your interpretation of events. With that in mind, what changes might you want to make today? How might your thinking be contributing to your struggles in life today?