Remember the motto our elementary school teachers used to say, to hopefully prompt us into better penmanship or math or whatever we weren’t exactly excelling at? “Practice makes perfect!”
Practice made a little dent in things, but “perfect”? If anything, it seemed the more I practiced something, the better I got at doing it the way I had always done it.
Think about that for a moment. What are you practicing, day in and day out? Are you really just doing the same thing the same way all the time? Are you practicing complaining, for example? Or practicing happiness?
Are you practicing looking at your kids, your spouse, your boss, your co-workers, and your friends with an appreciative eye? Or with a critical eye? Whichever you choose, that approach will become permanent, with consequences, intended or not, on your relationships.
A prime example is my mother’s view of the world. She used to greet me at the door to her home with the joy-deflating, “What’s wrong with your hair?” as opposed to “Hi, good to see you.” I was a grown woman, not a child.
I finally came to understand that my mother’s unyielding and constant criticism was her way of loving me. She wanted the best for me, and to her, criticizing everything she didn’t think was best for me was how she could accomplish it.
Of course, that led to far less interaction between the two of us and far less intimacy than she would have wished.
Whatever you practice every day will shape your reality. What would you rather practice? As much as I loved my mother, our relationship would have been far more harmonious and closer if she’d chosen to practice appreciation over criticism.
Pay attention to what you practice. What is your habitual approach to people and situations? If you like your approach, if it brings you joy and satisfaction, great! Your practicing is leading to wonderful “permanence.”
But if whatever you practice brings you anything less, then consider practicing something different.
Because “practice makes permanent” isn’t just a cute aphorism. It’s a deep and abiding psychological truth.
