Get What You Want by Ditching this Common Habit

BY Valarie O’Ryan        June 24, 2015

As humans, we like to figure stuff out. It’s just what we do. If we can figure out why something happened to us – some trauma or unwanted event – maybe we can prevent it from happening in the future or at least make peace with it.

When we go exploring for answers (a natural urge!) it feels kind of good. It gives us a purpose, and if we can pin our trauma onto something it’s like vindication. We want to solve it; we want answers. I totally get this!

What digging into the “Why” actually does, however, is trigger a train of negative thoughts.

Once we get on this train it’s hard to jump off. It starts going too fast. Remembering how that person wronged us leads to remembering how it felt, which leads to remembering that other person who hurt us, which leads to how that felt – woo wooooo – and the train roars down the tracks.

Now, we’re nowhere near where we want to be to manifest the good stuff we desire.

Here’s how to get on the right track – the one that takes you to your dreams:

1. Get on a different train.
The negative thought train is dark, like you’ve entered a never-ending tunnel. You want the train that’s brilliantly lit, so you can see where you’re headed. Negative thoughts lead to negative manifestations and you never know for sure where the manifestation will show up in your life. Positive thoughts, on the other hand, lead to positive manifestations. Wouldn’t you rather have a positive surprise than a negative one? Yes, please! So, don’t activate that memory that leads to boarding the “Why” train. Instead:

2. Find something to appreciate.
Look around, the tiniest thing to be grateful for will lead to a happy thought, which will spark another happy thought, and pretty soon you’re heading in the direction you want to go. I know it’s sometimes difficult to avoid “going there” – to that painful memory – so don’t panic if you do. Spend a few seconds there to acknowledge the feeling, then turn to appreciating (even something small), “I got up early today,” “The sun is shining,” “My favorite song is on the radio.” That’s all it takes to start the “good-thought train.”

3. Ditch the “why” and focus on the “what.
As surely as “why” will hold you back, “what” will propel you forward. Ask yourself, “What do I want?” If you’ve been hurt by someone in the past, you likely want to trust again. You want to feel secure. Focus on that. If you don’t have enough money, focus on what it will feel like to have it. Write it down: “It will feel SO good to have enough money to go on regular vacations,” “I want a bigger salary,” “I would love to put $200 in savings every month.” Play around with it until you hit on what feels good to you. Whenever you feel yourself reaching for that “Why" shovel to start digging into the past, reach for the “What” instead. This will be enough to shift your vibe and launch you towards your dream life.

As you practice these small shifts, you’ll notice that analyzing and pondering doesn’t feel so good anymore. You’re creating a new normal, one that will catch you up to speed with your desires. You’ll connect with so much good stuff you won’t have time to look back; there’ll be too much to look forward to.


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Valarie O’Ryan

Valarie is a Certified Dating and Relationship Coach, Master Coach Teacher for Rori Raye, and author of Man Magic. She’s also proof that a woman can attract exactly what she wants in a relationship. She helps take the effort out of attraction and makes it fun. If you’re having trouble attracting the kind of man you want, if you seem to “push away” the men you like, or you feel you’re running out of time – she can help you turn things around. Visit Valarie’s website at to get your FREE “3 Ways To Make Him Irresistibly Attracted To You” and start attracting the right man now.

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