When I was single, I thought having a boyfriend would give me worth. I assumed everyone would look at me as someone with value just because I was in a relationship. As if I would somehow now be this great person where everything falls into place and is given to me just because this one person recognized my value.
While it takes just one person to see one’s worth, that person isn’t a romantic partner—it’s yourself.
I share this because I know I’m not alone in these feelings. It’s a common occurrence: looking for your worth in someone or something else. But how far does that get you? In truth, and in my experience, it leads to the same cycles and patterns being repeated until you find your inherent worth on your own.
Everyone has to learn the “hard way,” aka, find within what you are seeking out.
I want you to take a second to think if there is anything you are “dying” to have. Is there something you want that you don’t feel “complete” without? Is there something you don’t have that leads to you assuming negative things about yourself?
Or does a current relationship (romantic or not) lead to negative thinking about yourself? Do you feel at fault or to blame for what you wish you could have? (For example, “If I were more valuable, I wouldn’t be in this situation.”)
Now, if you were to obtain said thing (a romantic partner, a peaceful relationship with your mom, a promotion, a trip, etc.) tomorrow, what would that tell you about yourself? How would you then feel?
Do any of these words come to mind? Worthy. Deserving. Loved. Important. Recognized. Valued. Validated.
If yes, then it’s likely you’re searching for your inherent value in an external scenario. The scenario being what you are “dying” to have. This will especially be the case if you can think back to repeating situations.
For example, are you dating the “same” person just with a different face? Are you in the same type of job dynamic where anything you do is never good enough for your boss? Do you keep having the same fights with someone significant in your life?
The scenario at play here will look different for everyone, but the motive is the same: searching for one’s value and worth outside of oneself.
While it’s worth looking into where these feelings of “lack” originate from, this post is about shedding light on each individual’s worth. When one instills positive beliefs about oneself, real changes begin to manifest in one’s life. The main thing to know and believe, wholeheartedly, is your worth.
You are worthy just as you are in this current moment. With all the baggage you feel you have, with all the good and the bad, you are worthy, you are someone of value, and you are deserving of all your wildest dreams just as you are in this moment.
It takes nothing more than you just being you to be someone of value. Someone important, loved, and deserving.
You will likely not feel radically different after reading this post, but I hope it’s the first step. I hope it is the first day of many that you tell yourself how valuable you are. The more you tell yourself, the more you will believe it wholeheartedly, and that is where change happens in your external world.
You will be amazed at how easily the thing you are searching for (e.g. love) finds its way to you once you instill your value into your brain. It took some time and healing for me to fully know that fact. But, once I let it fully sink in, my boyfriend came into my life effortlessly.
I am no different, and of no greater value, than I was before I met him. I also don’t think of myself any differently just because he’s in my life. I found what I was looking for deep down within me (value) and received what I was looking for on the surface (love).
