I was 15 when I first felt the presence of my angels. At the time, I was feeling anxious and alone. Although, if you were to have asked me, I wouldn’t have been able to explain why I was feeling that way. In hindsight, it was around then that my family were having some difficulties. And although the details weren’t known to me, I could feel it.
One afternoon, I was laying in our backyard watching clouds. Just lazing, not thinking of anything in particular. Then came the moment that is burnt into my memory. I remember the exact blueness of the sky and the fluffy shapes of the marshmallow clouds. Out of nowhere I felt tingles and goosebumps all over as an absolute clarity came to me that my angels were with me—that I had three angels with me that day.
I was overcome with emotion as my angels spoke to me without words to let me know that I wasn’t alone. That I was loved. That I was cared for. I was holding back tears and laughing at the same time. I felt lightness and warmth and joy. I felt connected. I had never experienced anything like this beautiful power before. And yet, seemingly, nothing happened. No words spoken. No physical sign. Instead, a powerful feeling like no other… and I just knew.
I always had faith in a power higher than me. Then, after my connection with my angels, my faith was locked in. I knew I was being guided and supported. But at 18, then again in my early 20s, some men came into my life whose assaults left me traumatized… I had some very dark challenges to face. I felt lost and had a disconnect with my spiritual self. At times navigating through life felt like swimming against the tide in murky waters. So often I was just existing in a self-destructive way, detached from who I am.
It is easy in times of darkness to doubt. When I was at my lowest, my faith wavered in the universe, my higher self, my angels and God. How could they truly be with me when I’m feeling so defeated? How can they love me and be with me when these terrible things have happened? But it was then—when I felt like I was sinking and my faith wavering—that my angels reminded me that I was being supported.
Just like when I was 15 looking at clouds, their messages came to me in a profound feeling, not words. Once, their message came in the form of a smile from a stranger. I was walking down a crowded street after looking for work, feeling the heaviness of living in a toxic relationship—depression, anxiety, and incredibly low self-worth were weighing me down. Then, amongst the crowd, a man was smiling at me. There was literally a glow around him, making him stand out from the masses of people. He looked into my eyes with the warmest, softest, friendliest smile and my whole vibration lifted. In that brief moment, the clarity I felt at 15 returned to me. I felt love and joy, and was overcome with emotion, not knowing whether to laugh or cry. I felt my guardian angel saying to me that all will be ok.
Whether you know it or not, whether you believe it or not, our angels are always with us. They laugh with us when we are happy and hold us through our tears. I recently asked my guardian angel about one night in particular from long ago. A night of horror for me. “Were you with me then?” … I received her answer in a powerful wave of emotion. Yes, she was with me. She cried with me. She cradled me. Loved me. And gave me the courage to keep going.
I wouldn’t be the woman I am today without having had this life experience. I’m not saying that I would choose to go back and experience it again, but I am grateful for what I have learned, the growth I have experienced, and the love and guidance I received from my angels—even though I wasn’t always aware of it. I am now more connected with my spiritual self than I’ve ever been.
If you are in the midst of the darkness, I want you to know that you are never alone. Your guardian angel is with you… always. Take it one day at a time and keep moving forward! You are going to come out of the depths stronger than you could ever predict. Know that there will be light. Know that there will be joy. And even if you can’t feel it right now, know that there is always love for you.