I recently won an award. Not to brag, but it was the top award in this particular category. I was seated at the table with my family. Dinner was finished and it was time to reconnect with each other. One way we do this is through a series of conversation starters. The particular topic that led to my award was this:
“Go around the table and give each member of the family an award for something special about them.”
Did I not mention it was an imaginary award? Even though it was imaginary it was deeply profound. My oldest son, who is twelve, said I would get the award for ‘Most Sensitive’. He then went on to describe the litany of ways my sensitivity leads to the meticulous and loving care of my family (with special consideration for our family dog, apparently I’m a sucker for snuggles). At the time of this ‘award’ I didn’t think much of it other than my kid being sweet to me. Later that night as I thought about it more, I realized that he had deemed my sensitivity as a strength. That doesn’t happen very often if at all. Usually my sensitivity is the kind of thing others have to ‘work with’ or ‘work around’ or somehow compensate for my personality’s deficiencies.
In the macro-story of my life, sensitivity was my burden. It was my cross to bear and most of the time, I had to hide it away. Heaven forbid someone knew how much I’m feeling/thinking/intuiting! My emotional barometer reads the truth of every room I enter. I would love to discuss this with others, but most shy away from it. Instead, I am backed into a corner of mirroring to others what are deemed ‘acceptable’ emotions. This usually entails the listing of life’s burdens and how the world is letting us down. I’d much rather talk about our Oneness and how we plan to express Love throughout our day. I’d rather look at how our perceived burdens are only a metaphor for losing our connection to our Source.
See what I mean? I’m a hoot at parties.
In conjunction with my sensitive side I am inherently goofy. I also guard this closely. A sensitive goof? Get out. No, seriously, get out!
When I am home and safely ensconced within these walls, I let my hair down. I express myself authentically. I cry when I want, crack terribly funny jokes (or just plain terrible if you ask my husband, puns aren’t punny according to him) and generally act like however my heart feels in the moment. It’s awesome. It’s so awesome that it is award winning.
What if the qualities that we fight against the most are actually our crowning glory? What if given permission to rise up from within us and outwardly express, they are the things that will bring the most joy and love to others? And, the most joy and love to ourselves?
These ‘bad’ traits are the traits that are going to save you.
They are only biding time until you are brave enough to accept them.
That time is now.