During my personal divorce journey, I went to some dark places.
I’m a long-time practitioner of New Thought principles, yet in the first months following my separation, I almost completely ignored them. Intermittently, I neglected them. I got so caught up in dealing with the endless issues and drama that awareness of my true nature was driven into the background and I allowed my spiritual practice to go dormant. I went into a reactionary mode, as many people do when plunged into a new and stressful situation. It seemed as if everything in my life was colored and controlled by THE DIVORCE.
Yet, when I really found the way difficult and I was beginning to despair, that was the time I called upon my spirit to release me, and to help guide me.
Why do so many of us do this? Why not remember our Divinity and act from that knowledge before we are in absolute suffering? How much easier it would be if we surrendered our problems and allowed our decisions to be led by Source in every moment, no matter what we are experiencing in the physical world!
I believe the phenomenon of forgetfulness has to do with common human conditioning. We are programmed from birth to be reactive, so when the distractions mount up, we often revert to unconsciousness. Then, when the pain becomes too great, we once again remember that we are, in fact, always connected to Source and can change our circumstances.
The truth is, our thoughts become the things and events of our lives. We create our reality, but in order to create the outcomes that we want, we have to be awake and aware of our true, spiritual nature and choices. If your spiritual practice ebbs and flows with external influences, then in turn the events of your life will be unconsciously created in those intervals of decline. This becomes an unnecessary, vicious cycle of ups and downs.
Spiritual practices often fall away or tend to diminish in priority as you are coping with a spouse who is dwelling in negative energy, children who are angry, sad, or confused, a mountain of legal paperwork, financial strain, juggling work, hearings, meetings with attorneys, therapy, and your own emotional turmoil. Where do you find the energy to remember what your spiritual practice was, let alone embrace it as your guiding light?
Divorce is devastating for most people. It doesn’t matter what or who brought it about. It is a profound life change and can re-direct your entire life’s focus. How, then, do we remain unchanged in our spiritual focus and stay in truth?
1. Take a deep breath, and get to work.
Take it from one who has been there, and from many wise people who came before me. When you are in a state of overwhelm, the first thing to do is take a deep breath and get to work. Yes, it takes courage. Yes, it takes some self-discipline to overcome that wallowing ego. But this step is crucial in order to calm down and gain clarity.
Make a list and prioritize the issues. Are finances the most pressing concern? Your children’s welfare? An upcoming deposition or hearing? Take your issues one at a time and write down your most desired outcome, and several positive actions you may be able to take to move towards that outcome. Then, act! Do not, as Mike Dooley often states, “mess with the cursed hows.” Visualize only the desired outcome—not how it will come about.
The rest of the time concentrate on being as happy as possible, finding the love in each and every moment, and reaching for the positive thoughts. Worry is literally a waste of thought and will only delay the arrival of your good.
2. Create a habit.
How do we remember and maintain our spiritual practice through any and all adversity?
Create the habit. Immerse yourself in the truth of it. In good times, in bad times, in unexceptional times—maintain a constant, balanced practice. In theory, life will never get very difficult if you continuously practice positive, loving thinking and action, but if it does, you will have an ingrained habit already in place.
Then, as your life gradually gets better and better, continue the practice, every day, no matter what. Eventually, you will realize that your life has become easy, joyful, and expansive.