It goes by many names: mudita (Sanskrit for sympathetic or unselfish joy), compersion (wholehearted participation in the happiness of others), and freudenfreude (inspired by the German word for joy and defined as finding pleasure in another person’s good fortune).
Many of us, however, only know it as sympathetic joy, and few allow it to become a key part of their joy quotient. This is unfortunate, because it opens us up to countless additional possibilities of experiencing and reveling in the pure, exuberant state of joy.
Before I knew about sympathetic joy I didn’t have a name for the good feelings I experienced when I watched a couple laughing with one another over coffee at the café or witnessed a parent unable to contain a smile when one of their kids did something cute in the grocery store.
I found myself feeling joyful for their joy. Happy for their happiness. Delighted by their delight. Learning further, I eventually understood that I was accessing a part of unity consciousness. Put simply, since we all come from one Divine Source then another’s joy is my joy. How beautiful is that?
Sympathetic joy is what happens when we actually feel happy for the happiness of others. Whether we are watching a child devour an ice cream cone on a hot day or celebrating the success of a friend’s graduation or job promotion, positive emotions surface in ourselves as a result of the good things happening to others.
Sympathetic joy sits there right along with lovingkindness, compassion, and equanimity in the Four Brahmaviharas, a set of Buddhist principles to help you feel interconnection with others. The Four Brahmaviharas are also known as the Four Immeasurables or Boundless Qualities.
Traditionally, sympathetic joy is known as the most difficult to achieve. This is due in part to feeling a sense of lack in our own lives. Jealousy and resentment can arise when we see someone enjoying or acquiring because the ego pipes up and says, “What about me?”
The truth is that their joy isn’t taking anything away from us. Instead, it gives us an opportunity to experience another facet of joy that wants to be acknowledged and celebrated. In sympathetic joy we dive deeper into our connection with others and allow a beloved sharing to take place.
The act of gratitude, I’ve learned, helps a long way toward having more experiences of sympathetic joy. When we frequently take stock of what we have, we don’t look at someone’s happiness or good fortune with a feeling of scarcity or deprivation.
I guess you could say I have become naturally primed for sympathetic joy because my longstanding gratitude practice has given me hundreds of reasons to feel contented in my day-to-day life. Knowing that we have enough means that we don’t have a sense of lack for anything, and this leads to sincere feelings of sympathetic joy for strangers and friends alike.
I have been blessed to experience sympathetic joys both big and small. One that stands out prominently for me took place last October. I was recovering from a recent foot surgery when my husband and I decided to see the fall colors a few hours north of our home. At that time my walking was still limited and I was using a cane for assistance.
During our weekend adventure, we stopped at a roadside park that was at the edge of a beautiful beach covered in Petoskey stones. Walking on this beach was going to be impossible for me with its uneven and rocky ground, but I encouraged my husband to venture out and find some geocaches while I took in the scenery from the safety of the parking lot’s edge.
It was unseasonably warm for a fall day in Northern Michigan. The late afternoon peak of sunshine was shining brightly on the water, causing it to sparkle like an array of polished diamonds bestowed by Mother Nature. Moments after being mesmerized by this natural delight I spotted a young couple with two small children.
Dad and baby were cautiously entering the water to meet mom and toddler several feet from the shore. Each of them had smiles on their faces. Once the family united as four and the sun shone vibrantly on their union, it became a moment that appeared frozen in time. It filled me with awe and left me breathless. An overwhelming feeling of gratitude filled every cell of my body.
I wasn’t able to have their experience. I couldn’t physically walk along the beach let alone play in the water and search for the Petoskey stones this beach was famous for. But I absolutely fell in love with and delighted in the moment they were having. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I was completely immersed in the joy of their experience.
This beautiful memory will continue to remind me that there is nothing small or secondary about sympathetic joy. It is not a consolation prize in the game of achieving life’s happiness and should not be treated as such.
In moments of sympathetic joy you are experiencing both your own joy and the joy that others are having as well. What could be small about that? It’s double the joy and a wink from the Universe on recognizing our shared connection in love and delight.
