I had a 9-day meditation retreat in my apartment, and here’s what I found out. Spoiler alert: something radical about love that’s worth exploring.
A while ago, while on a spiritual retreat in Thailand sitting in meditation, I had a series of thoughts: “Why am I doing this? I didn’t need to come all the way here to figure this out; I could’ve done this from my apartment.” That was before COVID-19.
Fast forward to sometime last month. My mind reminded me of that moment, so I wanted to explore the idea of “going on a retreat” in your own home. Could you get the same benefits from going on a spiritual retreat in your apartment?
The question seemed significant to me because of something else that happened to me on that retreat: After the initial anger state for having those thoughts in the first place, something in me changed.
I went gradually but quickly from anger to the realization that those very same thoughts of “Why am I doing this?” are what were needed in that moment for all thoughts to stop—giving me a glimpse of what can only be described as a state of samadhi.
And by definition, this was enlightenment—the moment everyone is constantly looking for, the peace of knowing that the very same thoughts you hated a second ago were the answers to all of your questions.
These were the words that I was looking for, this was what brought me to Thailand. I didn’t know there were “just” thoughts. I was expecting some sort of big revelation but the thoughts were enough. And that is extremely significant.
It is particularly significant in a post-COVID world. It’s been 4 years since the world was forced into isolation, creating a need for self-exploration and spiritual practices.
Habits are hard to build and very difficult to maintain, many of us have fallen back to our “bad” habits, or as I prefer to call it: a state of fear. And looking at the state of the world right now, there is absolutely no reason not to be.
And no matter what side of the spectrum (of life) you are on, one thing we can all agree on is that there was something mystical about 2020, or at the very least something radical came out of it. And I believe that it is the need for more love.
Something in us is not at peace; we’re all very afraid. Whether or not we can rely on our governments to keep us safe, or to do the right thing for that matter, we can all relate to that fear. Once we do that, we begin to see how easily anger and hatred might arise.
The conditions to see this is, I believe, what COVID-19 provided, and these are conditions that an “explorational” retreat might offer.
So can you do conduct a retreat in your apartment? Yes, if you’re willing to compromise, which can also be included in your practice. Design a retreat around your schedule and for as many days as you like.
What came out of it for me is a reminder of something that I’ve always known: that love and hate are two of the most common emotions that we all share. Then jumping to the radical truth of our existence—that we all, at the very core, have love in common—becomes, though uncomfortable at first, obvious.
That led to another conclusion: fear and anger are just emotions. Another emotion is love. This was another truth that I realized in that moment, that day sitting in meditation in Thailand. If I can come to the same conclusion here in my apartment, it must be a universal truth. And most importantly, you can “achieve” those moments anywhere.
Love is really what bonds us all together and if we can remember it, maybe our experiences of these times can begin to become a little easier, giving us strength to show up a little more in our fight for the world to reflect more who we are, rather than our emotions. And maybe if we do that, we can begin to change the world.
This is radical love. It is enlightenment. It is us—it is within us, and it is with us all the time. To quote the movie title, it is everything everywhere all at once. We all have access to it. It takes very little effort but it takes practice, and so does love.
