When I left my marriage, the one thing I desperately needed was support. Not opinions or well-meant advice, just support. I wanted someone, actually everyone, to remind me over and over again that I was loved. That, despite my life falling apart around me, things were sure to get better.
Expecting people to show up perfectly for me was unrealistic, so how did I find support through the transition?
I got clear on what I needed and I asked for it. If I was having a particularly trying day where I needed support, I stated my intentions first. I let my friends and family know I needed them to only listen. I was not looking for advice or sympathy or ex bashing; I needed a safe space to openly share. I recall telling one friend that I was fragile, not broken, and I desperately needed love.
- Respect the Limits of Your Network
I also learned that not all people had the capacity to hold me. Whether they were happily partnered and could not relate to my experience or lacked the bandwidth to hold space for me, I had to understand that not everyone was ready or able to help me navigate my new situation. I stopped reaching out to certain people when I needed support, and I pursued new friendships.
My journal became my best friend. It was a place I could write my uncensored thoughts and feelings without judgement. No matter what I said, it was held in trust in the pages of my journal. Writing helped me get my thoughts out on paper (where they were separate from me), make sense of my feelings, and process my emotions.
- Lean on a Divine Relationship
I leaned on my relationship with the Divine, and the unseen, in new ways. I talked to the Divine and my Guides every day, asking them for support to lead me through this trying time. I used my grief as a time to strengthen my bond to the unseen and lean into the Divine’s unconditional love.
- Connect with an Earth Relationship
Connecting with nature provided me with a feeling of safety and love. At one point, I moved to a new town which bordered a large lake, big enough to hold my grief and tears. Whether I was there, with my feet in the water, sitting on the beach, or at home, I could feel the water’s presence helping me move through many heavy emotions.
- Find Professional Support
Prior to ending my marriage, I worked with a fantastic therapist for a year; she helped me put my feelings into perspective and provided me with solid advice moving forward. I also worked with Energy Healers, who helped me gain new perspectives. Find the professional supports that work best for you.
This time in my life provided me an opportunity to clarify what I needed and get comfortable asking for it. I also learned how to better show up for others. Through my experience I learned what I needed most was to be met with love and understanding.