3 Steps to Transcendent Sex

BY Kyle Hoelscher        February 3, 2017

The mass media abounds with tips for better sex. Most have to do with taking specific actions to arouse or pleasure your partner. While many of those ideas can be quite fun to try, the best sex comes not from using certain technical skills, but from having a certain connection with your partner.

Whether you’ve been married for decades, or have just begun to feel each other out, try these steps to build a better bond with your partner and bring about a natural passion when it comes to playtime.

1. Be friends first.

There’s something so special about friendship. It’s a relationship that involves a choice to be together where no other social obligation exists. Friendships can be committed, supportive, and deep, yet completely relaxed and flexible at the same time. Our ideas about romantic relationships, on the other hand, more often involve roles, responsibilities, and expectations which lead to pressure on ourselves and our partners, eventually diminishing sexual pleasure. Make the decision to let it all go and simply be friends with your partner. Do it in your own head, or out loud, with a commitment to friendship first for just one day, or for the rest of your lives together. Treat your partner with the respect and sincerity you would a dear friend, and relieve yourselves of all other expectations for a romantic relationship. This shift in perspective will both free you and bring you together, allowing you to casually rediscover the “benefits” unique to this particular friendship.

2. Share your dreams.

We may often discuss our daily or weekly goals with a partner, or once a year make New Year’s resolutions together, but we too often neglect to keep reminding each other of our brightest visions for the future. When you and your partner share what you really want in life, you can both experience the wonderful feelings your dreams will bring, see your partner in their happiest, most fulfilled state, and reaffirm what you’re moving toward together every day. Take a few minutes to sit together and visualize your wishes coming true, getting into the mindset and the full feeling of what you want. Open yourself to sharing your own dreams freely and to fully embracing those of your partner. Connecting with your hearts and souls around your best intentions will bring you both peace and excitement for your lives together. This is turn will increase intimacy and intensity for your physical connection as well.

3. Make a commitment.

No matter how long lasting or how formally committed a relationship is, insecurities and doubts about that commitment can arise at any time. And especially when a relationship is new, your mind might be occupied with constant deliberation about where things are headed. Affirming your presence, your plans, and your patience for a relationship together can easily overpower these unnecessary anxieties. Make some gesture of commitment, be it grand or small, to demonstrate to yourself and your partner that you’re in this thing together. Depending on your relationship, it may be a re-affirmation of your lifelong love or just a promise to give your new relationship a chance to blossom. Choosing to accept each other fully will boost your confidence and your passion.

Making moves to advance a healthy, nourishing, inspiring connection with your partner can be the biggest turn-on.


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Kyle Hoelscher

Kyle Hoelscher is a dedicated nurse, avid traveler, and huge fan of The Universe. He is engaged to an amazing woman with whom he feels more abundant love for every day. Kyle is the K in E&K XO at eandkxo.com.

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