The 10 Principles of Happy Online Dating

BY Kyle Hoelscher        November 28, 2016

Online dating continues to grow in popularity as a means to search for true love.  My fiancé and I were single and dating online for years before we met. We actually grew to enjoy online dating, learn from it, and appreciate the experiences it brought us.

We see too many people grow frustrated with online dating too easily, and we want to help as many people as we can to avoid that frustration. Here are the most important lessons we learned, to help you embrace your online dating experience – and find far greater success.

1. You have to love yourself first.
As TUT readers know, all change begins within yourself. The most important thing you can learn in a search for love from another, is to love yourself. Accept yourself, take care of yourself, and treat yourself as compassionately as you want your future partner to do. Accept everything you’ve ever been. Embrace who you are right now. Move fearlessly toward who you want to be.

2. You can do this your way.
Time spent single and dating is your time to be yourself and do it all your way. There are no requirements for how you present yourself online, who you date, what you do on dates, how many people you date, or anything else you choose. Do it all exactly as you wish, every step of the way.

3. Dating is fun.
Online dating allows you to meet new people, try new things, learn a lot about yourself, and prepare for the most meaningful relationship of your life. Even in the worst moments, you’re just collecting hilarious stories to tell later. It should be a time of exploration, excitement, and fun.

4. Dating takes time and effort.
Successful online dating shouldn’t be a burdensome pursuit, but it does require some amount of time and some amount of effort. The Universe is providing an incredible technology at your fingertips, allowing you to meet countless potential romantic interests almost instantly. Even a tiny investment into that magic can bring big rewards. 

5. Ambiguity is A-OK.
Part of the journey of dating is not always knowing everything for sure. Feelings, connections, and relationships in online dating can seem fleeting, fickle, and unexpectedly complicated. Don’t give up on yourself or on the value of your online dating experience. The important things will always become clear in good time. In the meantime, embrace the question marks and the limitless possibilities.

6. Honesty is always the best policy.
The anonymity allowed in online dating tempts some people to lie about any number of things – height, income, age, beliefs, intentions. At no point will lying help you get what you want in dating and relationships. You will feel so much better, and find the right matches faster, with total honesty.

7. Like attracts like.
Our differences can certainly ignite passion in romance. But even when we have differences, we have to share interests, values, dreams, attitudes, and lifestyle choices in order to have nourishing and lasting relationships. Get real about who you really are, who you want to be, and who you really want to attract.

8. Nobody owes anybody anything.
You will inevitably experience both guilt about rejecting others and heartbreak about being rejected during any time spent online dating. It’s OK to disappoint someone who wants to be with you. It’s OK for someone else to disappoint you. Keep your vision of a perfect partner in mind, but don’t hang your hopes on any one particular person.

9. There is someone out there who wants you.
There are people out there right now who want to be with someone just like you. Yes, you! Possibly not the first person you meet, and maybe not even the twentieth. But you will find that person. Trust that there are more than enough fish in the sea. Trust that you deserve mutual attraction. Trust that you will find your special someone.

10. Safety first, worry last.
Messaging and meeting up with strangers is exciting enough. Worrying about safety issues is a sure way to ruin any potential enjoyment or genuine connection on a date. Take reasonable precautions with every date. And always listen to your gut. You deserve to enjoy dating without any worry at all.

We hope that these fundamentals help you take some short cuts to happy online dating, personal growth, and a fabulous future relationship!

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Kyle Hoelscher

Kyle Hoelscher is a dedicated nurse, avid traveler, and huge fan of The Universe. He is engaged to an amazing woman whom he met online, after several years of online dating. Kyle is the K in E&K XO at

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