We're all run by formulas, whether we like to admit it or not.
Given my hard-core nerd status, I actually like admitting it.
Formulas that dictate my life and my interactions with others?!
Yeah! Bring 'em on!
In my early years, my relationships were run by this formula:
The activation of this formula in my life looked like this: Did I find this person hot? Did my cells start to tingle and band together to convince me that I must have this person NOW, regardless of the red flags flapping wildly in my face?!
There's something going on here, said my cells. Anyone who has such a strong effect on you is someone you MUST be with. Your cells don't lie. We're showing you your FATE. Your DESTINY. Ignore us and you will DIE!!!!!!!!!
Needless to say, this combination of hyperactive cells and flapping red flags didn't always make for the best relationships.
The next formula that became active in my life was this one:
The activation of this particular formula looked like this: Do I find this person safe to be around? Do my cells specifically NOT distract me with wild pronouncements about what I NEED to do?
If the answers to both of these questions was Yes, I was free to move forward.
Unfortunately, the lack of any chemistry whatsoever didn't make for the most fulfilling relationships in the long term.
I needed another formula.
Then I discovered this one:
This was much better!
Now I could have it all: Happy cells without the red flags.
It took the two extremes of the previous formulas to find a happy middle ground.
There was only one problem.
The word Destiny.
Don't get me wrong, I believe some things are meant to be.
But the notion of Destiny can also serve as a yoke, keeping us tightly bound to relationships that no longer serve either party.
I needed a better formula. One like this:
Whenever my wife and I talk about the future, we say we hope we're together for the rest of our lives. We think we will be. The commitment is there.
But we've both been around long enough to know that you never know what's going to happen.
Possibility is an open word.
It allows us to move into the future, open the highest possible outcome, without attachment.
It allows for things to keep getting better and better, as we're not locked into any destined idea of how things are supposed to be.
Possibility allows us to play in an infinite field of joy and aliveness.
It's a long way from Chemistry = Destiny to Chemistry + Compatibility = Possibility.
For me, the bumps and scrapes I encountered by living from the first formula allow me to live in the awesomeness of the last one.
So really, whichever formula you're living from, there's always room for Possibility.
I guess you could say that Possibility is embedded into every formula, regardless of whether it's explicitly stated or not.
Now do you see why I like formulas so much?!
What's your experience with Relationship Formulas? Share your comments below!
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