It’s said that whenever we are resisting something, it’s a clear sign that we have a crucial lesson to learn there. I can attest to this over and over, but the most powerful example to date has been healing myself from intense, chronic conditions by simply breaking down the walls around my innate spirituality and connecting with the higher truth of my non-physical being.
Confession time! I grew up in a highly skeptical, atheistic family. And even though I identified more as agnostic (if anything), I never really got on well with affirmations and mantras. They simply felt false and empty to me. During yoga classes, I struggled to connect any meaning to what I was muttering, and often opted to sit in silence instead.
Even the deeply heart-resonant offering of Namaste, given by the teacher to bring the class to a close, somehow felt fake and “pseudo-spiritual” to me. During my own teacher training, I connected to the sutras and mantras on a mostly intellectual level, and I frequently suffered from “imposter syndrome” – as if I wasn’t a “real” yoga teacher because I wasn’t spiritual enough!
That all changed quite suddenly about a year into my training. Coming off medications for my myriad chronic conditions (specifically topical steroids), I was plunged into an immediate and horrifically intense healing crisis. My entire immune, endocrine and nervous systems went haywire as they attempted to recalibrate themselves and heal decades of damage created by the steroids.
My skin burned and fell off in cycle after cycle. Clothing and bedding tortured me, and the simple acts of waking up and preparing for bed sent me into 3-hour long panic attacks. I stopped sleeping and spent hours in the bath instead. I couldn’t hug or play with my kids, and regularly experienced blackouts whilst I was supposed to be looking after them. Each day was an infinity of highly stressful experiences, and that was just in performing the absolute bare minimum to look after myself. Worst of all, nobody in my world understood what I was going through or why, and this added to my visceral feelings of isolation and loneliness. Life was intensely dark.
“I AM A GOLDEN BEING OF INFINITE LIGHT”
One night, as my husband and children slept, these words spoke themselves through me. I had never uttered anything like them in my life – my deeply ingrained skepticism wouldn’t allow it. But, lying in the bath for hours on end, desperately trying to find some comfort as my physical, mental & emotional reserves hit ground zero – and with my thoughts turning to suicide – I literally had nowhere left to go.
At this point of engulfing blackness, I suddenly felt a very gradual lightening and opening, from deep within my body yet not bound by my physical body. It filled the room. And word by word, I downloaded the mantra “I am a golden being of infinite light” – and I really, truly felt it!
After that night, I found myself resisting those words again – my spiritual side had been so suppressed – yet they persisted tenaciously, and I found them floating into my consciousness during my hardest times. Most surprising of all, when the mantra surfaced and I allowed myself to receive and feel it, it acted as an instant relief to my immense pain, hopelessness and perpetual discomfort.
Without even trying, I instinctively linked the mantra to a visualisation practice and began to use both every day. Within a month, my physical symptoms had completely turned around and I found myself headed towards recovery.
Whilst I wasn’t yet fully “healed,” the power of this mantra alone was miraculous, and continues to create miracles in my life whenever I tune into it.
This affirmation has never felt “mine” but rather like a gift from the universe, and it has helped me heal so many layers of trauma. It reminds me there’s always more – I’m never subjected to lack. And crucially, that I’m worthy, I am a vessel for source energy and whenever I want to contract back into my shell, I just need to connect back to that luminescence within.
I share it with you now in the hope it may begin to bring supportive, compassionate light to your struggles, whatever they may be. And so that you remember this physical form – and these physical manifestations around you – are all a mirror for our consciousness. Individual, communal or global, we have the ability to transform our circumstances, from the inside-out.
You are a golden being of infinite light. And this is the era in which we each begin to truly embody this for ourselves.
Repeat this mantra now, with your eyes closed. What does it bring up for you?