Suffering from severe pain!

Q:  I read the Seth-books years ago, and it seems I always had "TUT"-thoughts and ideas since my childhood. I lived happily and created easily then, to such a point that people didn't understand how I managed to combine studies and sports and music and volunteer work etc, but it really went easy and was fun too. I "knew" things, "saw" things, felt things happening on distance, but started feeling very alone, never meet a "Tut-friend" for 35 years. I think there is where the changes started... and I got "caught" in responsibilities (I am a single parent) and work, and lost touch with it all.

A car crash stopped me (I can see my own decision in that, though it was not conscious, I needed to be stopped). I was injured badly, suffered a lot of pain, and still do, after 9 years. I always believed I would find the way to recover and heal. And did everything I could to work on it, actions, visions of myself being healthy and strong again.... But I didn't recover.

I am at this point I have no money at all anymore (all went to doctors and therapies), lost my job due to this health problems, my social life stopped etc... Self chosen?? I have a happy start every day, but after some hours I need to rest again because the nerve pain gets through everything. (Life-pain?? What did I start thinking wrong to have chosen this???).

My neck now needs surgery for several reasons (reconstruction partly and partly clearing the space for nerves and veins)... And this operation was the last thing I wanted, as if I got the proof by letting my own thoughts betray me.

I know I needed to clear out a lot in my thoughts during those years, and so I did as far as I could. But I still don't understand and don't see what I am blocking.

A:  I know, and it sounds like you do too, that in some way, your chronic pain is serving you. When you relinquish that “need”, it will go away.

Here’s a suggestion. From now on, never talk to anyone about the pain. Of course, go to the doctors, and proceed as you need to medically, talk to them as needed about your pain, but no more talk of your condition to anyone else, not even your daughter nor your very closest and dearest friends. This will remove any possibility that you are using the accident and your pain as an excuse for not living more, achieving more, working more, etc.

This experiment can serve you on many fronts, more than you could ever realize. Even if you don’t already use the pain and accident as an excuse, no harm will be done.

Be vigilant now. NOT A WORD! Not about the accident. Not about your surgeries. Not about future surgeries. Nothing. When friends ask, say as little as possible and then change the subject.

Simultaneously, begin doing things, to whatever degree possible, that you haven't been allowing yourself to do because of the pain, or at least, begin planning to do things, as if you knew you were getting better. For instance, start going for nightly walks, if only to the end of your driveway... buy walking/running shoes...  consider planning a strenuous vacation, make phone calls and inquiries (this will help you on the financial front as well). Start remarking, aloud, how wonderful you feel... consider taking up tennis, or golf, or anything else that interests you - make preparations, study, whatever.

Basically, you need to start creating a new reality in your mind, the reality you want to start living, AND PHYSICALLY BEHAVING as if that new reality was about to take over your life - or better, as if it already has. Everyday push yourself to do at least one token physical gesture that implies you are already healed (you needn't exert yourself physically, though to the degree you can, you should), and that you can afford the life you want to live. This may seem silly, may even feel awkward or like a lie, but what's the alternative? Besides, the truth is, tomorrow is virgin territory, and you can either prepare to be in poor and in pain, or you can prepare to be prosperous and well - in either case, you are pretending. Do these things without regard to how you presently feel (but don't go so far as to hurt yourself!) Today's conditions are the result of yesterday's preparations. Tomorrows conditions will be based on today's preparation. It's only an illusion that tomorrow will grow out of today.

The discontent you feel now is priceless. It will push you on. Don't settle for OK, strive for "Great", and the Universe MUST respond in kind. It WILL work.