First, I think one of the biggest misfortunes of someone who has suffered "abuse" of any kind, particularly early in life, is that for the rest of their life, every mood swing, every weakness, every situation, IN THEIR MIND, may be (and often is) considered as a consequence of the prior abuse, and thus, they must always wonder, who they would be, or how they would have handled their new situations had there not been the abuse. They can't see the fact that many current or later challenges may have arisen anyway, whether or not there was earlier abuse. As if their whole view of the world is permanently tainted because of what they suffered earlier.

So they don't realize so easily that everyone, abused or not, has issues, problems and challenges throughout their lives. For instance, a middle aged person who suffers abuse for the first time, will view it and consider it very differently from a middle aged person who was also abused much earlier in life. The latter will consider themselves prone to abuse, see the new abuse as evidence that they have a deeper issue, and they'll likely perpetually feel they are not whole - NONE of which may be true, but they can't know that. That is their curse, but it's also self-inflicted.

That missing feeling you have, that missing "aha" - everyone feels it to some degree (considering we're virtually all "cut off" from our source, stumbling around with amnesia, and oblivious to the inner reality that sustains us)! But the person who's suffered anything traumatic earlier in their life will tend to think that their earlier suffering is the reason, and that they are uniquely feeling incomplete. They CAN'T know that they would very likely have felt that missing feeling anyway!

So, the first part of this answer, is to ask you to realize that you are whole and complete, that there's no gaping, mysterious whole in your life caused by the rape, and to suggest that you drop it from your thinking, not discuss it anymore, and move on.

Second, what happens far too often in such cases, is that the "victim" sees themselves as a victim, thereby "safely" shifting responsibility from themselves to their violator... not just for the prior act, but for every subsequent mishap in their life. And in doing so, they abdicate their authority and give away their power, not just in the moment, but for as long as they believe in their "victimhood". Sadly, but understandably, they do this because the alternative, to them, is even scarier... understanding their role in the initial violation, in their subsequent life challenges, and accepting responsibility for where they are today. Understanding their role as co-creator of the violation. But here, it's not as important to understand the how's and why's of creating such an event, though these could be extremely helpful, as it is important (vitally) to simply accept responsibility, because with such acceptance they regain their power and place themselves back in the driver's seat of their life.

Whatever it was that led to the initial violation, very likely, was a contributing factor to the other life challenges you've faced. But because of what I said in the beginning of this answer, you can't see that. Of course, it hasn't helped you that we live in a society that believes in victims. So you think, and were likely told by trained psychologists, that your subsequent life challenges resulted from the violation, whereas, perhaps (just as a hypothetical example) low self-esteem, feelings of unworthiness, a prior belief in your powerlessness, or in the inherent untrustworthiness of men, etc, combined with, all your other thoughts and desires about life, men, sex, womanhood, acceptance, etc., etc., etc., are what brought about the initial date-rape. And since these causes were never dealt with, their consequences and further manifestations have subsequently reappeared in your life in the challenges you've faced.

But this doesn't mean you weren't horribly violated. Nor am I saying, in any way, that such a violation was justified or deserved. I'm simply recognizing that for anything to happen to anyone, they had to have had a role in its creation - however unconscious or indirect it was.

These are the hardest kinds of challenges to address for those effected, because, unfortunately, our society lags far behind the kind of individual who would accept such responsibilities. So instead of recognizing the courage, strength and wisdom it would take for someone to understand their role as a co-creator of such violations, they would brand such self "criticism" as the mark of a careless, reckless, or depraved person who "obviously" deserved their punishment. But it wasn't a punishment, it was a gift. A wake-up call for change that had been long neglected.

You're not alone though, remember, we've all been down bumpy roads of our own creation. And while your contemporaries may not have to deal with the stigma attached to some of their exploits (as you would with a rape), rest assured many of our challenges have been as great, and as painful, as yours.

Hang in there. Keep asking the kind of questions you're asking. And remember that the rest of your life starts today.