My selfish husband is leaving me and our 2 kids...

Q:  My selfish husband is leaving me and our 2 kids... Mike, why does it sound like you advocate selfishness? My husband is leaving me and our 2 kids... only thinking of his feelings. I think that is what is wrong with our society.... the "me". What about three sad little beings......just move on... Let bygones be bygones... let hurt build on hurt for generations? I just don't get it?

A:  This is a very tricky subject, but hard as it is to understand, I do believe we must all be true to ourselves first. I think what's wrong with the world is that this is too often missed, and people live unhappy lives for illogical reasons - doing things that don't make them happy (being selfless, altruistic, or making "sacrifices" when totally unnecessary), and then their unhappiness and resentment is bred among those around them. 

But I am not advocating "ignoring others"! By properly watching out for yourself you would automatically care about others because they help define your own life. If you burn bridges everywhere go, you are not really looking out for yourself. Our happiness significantly depends on our forging happy relationships with others in our lives, especially family members. But this does not necessarily imply that all marriages and/or families should stay together. 

Also vitally important in finding our own happiness is not hinging it on what other people do. For instance, we should at all cost strive to be happy with every turn our lives take, even if a spouse leaves us. Not that this is easy, but focusing on the unhappiness of such an event will only perpetuate that unhappiness, possibly even through "generations" as you suggested. Who's to say that the happiest years of your life don't now lay ahead of you... and that your impending radiant happiness will immeasurably benefit your children, perhaps in more powerful ways than if their father stayed and was unhappy (making all of you unhappy to some degree). 

Being happy is a decision, and it lies within all of us. I cannot address the "ideals" of your unique families situation, but I can address the fact that no matter what any of you do, your future happiness is not dependant on other people. Your happiness is solely dependant on yourself, your attitudes, and your efforts. 

Again, this is tricky, so much is involved with these kind of situations, and this will undoubtedly be a challenging time for all of you.... but I really believe that this challenge will best be met by your own firm resolve to be the happiest you can be. To do this, don't focus on what's wrong, focus on all that remains good - because there is a lot more of it. 

Best wishes.