I want OUT of my marriage, I think.

Q:  Everyone's got a story and here's mine:

I'm a 45 year old stay at home woman, married (19 years) with two great daughters, ages 8 &10.  After 19 unbearable years, I am ready to call it quits. Our problems really began soon after we married and all trust and respect is gone. Yea, a sorry state of affairs. I ordered your tape and then all 12 cd's and I have finished up to #7. They are wonderful and I am happy to say I understand them. I had read all of Jane Robert's bookson Seth in the "past" so I am familiar with the material. This is my dilemma:

I feel very stuck here because my husband controls all the finances, has indicated that if I should want a divorce he would make it a living nightmare for me, will pit the girls against me because I am in therapy (mommy's "sick" - she needs help for her problems, never mind it was because of his infidelity) and on top of it I can't move out because I have no money and he won't move because I want the divorce and he wants to play the victim.  AArrrggghhhhhh..................

A:  I believe as you do that we all choose our experiences here on earth. I understand and accept that! How do I cope with the everyday struggle of "not knowing what to expect next - FROM HIM" situation. This whole relationship has stressed me to the point of going over the edge, but not over the top. I'm just tired and want to get on with the best part of my life. I am so strong spiritually and my biggest fear is that he will try and turn my children against me. How do I cope with that and do you have any "thought suggestions" for me?

First, finish my tape series!

Second, fear shouldn't be your motivator (to stay or go), your desires and feelings should be balanced with everything in your heart AND mind.

Third, you have to trust the truth. The truth always wins out. You shouldn't be afraid that people will side with lies or propaganda. People see through BS when they want to, and if they don't want to, then don't make them. Just keep yourself on the side of the truth, at all costs.

Fourth, don't expect anything from him day to day. Live your life, and while it may seem otherwise, it doesn't take leaving the relationship to start living your life.

Fifth, if you should decide to leave (I obviously have no idea as to whether or not you should), but if you do leave, treat all with kindness and honesty and give lengthy explanations when necessary, and expect to be treated respectfully in return. EXPECT it. (Actually, even if you stay, a lot of heart to heart talking would be in order too, laced with kindness, respect, and love). Leaving doesn't need to be ugly. Explain, apologize (if/where necessary), offer help, sympathize, console, and when all of that is out in the open, your path should become even clearer, you will know it's time to go, or perhaps, you'll feel you then want to stay.

However it may seem, your husband has been doing his best, and he is a good person. This doesn't mean you should stay with him, it just gives you a better way to see your situation. And while it may be his best, it might not be enough for you, all things considered, and that is perfectly OK. 

It's a huge decision. Until you KNOW with every fiber of your body what to do, I suggest you avoid doing anything. BUT, don't allow yourself to wallow in purgatory either. Push for answers, ask for guidance, and continue to look within.

Last thought, what if "The Universe" told you, you HAD to stay together? How would you then go about living your life? My point is, maybe there are other options, besides leaving, that would make your life more rewarding and fulfilling, and less dependant on your husband. Of course, "The Universe" wants what you want, and would NEVER tell you what to do, this was just my way to get you to focus on how you might achieve happiness, AND stay in your marriage. It may not be possible.

You'll be fine, everything will be OK,