I'm 36 and I don't want to be an old maid!!!!!!

Q:  I'm 36 and I don't want to be an old maid!!!!! I have never been married... I had boyfriends but my sister always managed to get between us... That broke my heart. Now I feel lonely, I think life without someone to love is not life... I want to feel love by a man that really loves me for who I am and what I have... My parents, have always managed to kill my dreams, and I don't like them for that reason... although deep down inside I feel for them, and love them... Why is my life like this and what should I do?

A:  Jambo! You have a big heart... here's some medicine to begin soothing the pain... but medicine doesn't always taste good... 

First of all, the direction any life takes is always suited to the lessons you've chosen at deeper levels to attain. So as strange as this may sound, you "should be" very glad, and proud, of who and where you are. That you are single at 36 is a blessing. You have perspectives that others who are married can never have, and one of the greatest attributes of the kind of blessings you have is that you are compassionate and appreciative of things that so many take for granted. 

Your family relationships are a great example. You bring to them, it sounds like, more than they bring to you.... but don't begrudge them. We all choose who will be in our lives, family members too, before our lives begin. They obviously choose you so that you could be a light, an example, with your kindness and insights. Rarely do those among "more enlightened" people realize their fortune, but always, they are impacted for the better. It would be best if you simply shine by example, not by words. Allow them their slumber... they'll awaken when they're ready. 

Second. Let go of the "need" to find the right person. Desire is one thing, and it's healthy and good, but to "need" can be very damaging. If you "need" it implies that you're incomplete and imperfect until the need is met. You are neither. You would like to find the right guy, but until you do, you must resolve to MAKE yourself happy with what you do have. How many people, who've found the "right person", later had their hearts ripped out in divorce courts and custody battles? 

And how many of them would happily trade places with you today... to have your freedom and a "clean" slate? It's too easy to lose sight of what you do have when you feel you have needs... even when it seems like everyone else has what you want. The truth is, virtually no one else has exactly what you want. You have high standards... let them stay high, and resolve that you will find the right person, AND be happy in the mean time. 

Lastly, when it comes to making the best of what you have... it can be work! Particularly if you let life start slipping by without exerting much effort (not that you have)... then, you lose your step, like it was a dance, and you sit out on the couch... all while the music gets faster and faster... and it becomes even harder to actually get yourself going again. 

It's also EASY to start wanting to have someone come ask you to dance... and actually become lazy (not that you are!). Whereas, if you never leave the dance floor, even if you have to dance with yourself for a while, you stay sharp and in touch with what's going on. After awhile, it becomes easy just dancing, not work at all, and you look to the couch and feel sympathy for those who have been sitting so long. You are probably the dancing type... so keep at it... keep yourself busy doing things you most enjoy, however simple or humble, or wild and crazy. 

You're only 36... and the truth is... you will never, ever again, be this young... so make hey while the sun shines. Hope this answer is somehow helpful. You have a lot going for you. Hang in there, work at it if you have to, and things will get easier and be more fun before you know it. My best to you fellow Adventurer....