A: Thank you for
your beautiful letter! I think you wrote the right person.
Last fall I had to
unexpectedly euthanize my dog, Baxter, who had been at my side for 12 years,
day and night. It was without question the most difficult and painful day of
my 44 years. I felt like the executioner of my best friend, and seriously
doubted and second guessed my sudden decision. Although healthy and happy on
the outside, x-rays that morning showed that he had a tumor the size of a
soccer ball in his chest.
I was filled with
remorse and doubted even the wisdom I share at my site. Grief can be
horribly traumatic.
Fortunately, I made a
quick recovery in the days that followed, even though I would not have
thought it possible in the depths of my despair, that only a week later I’d
be happy again, but I was.
To heal, I sought out a
few books to reaffirm my belief that all animals survive death, in tact and
fully themselves - happy and free in a brand new body, with the same
personality they had when they left us. The best was by James Van Prague –
he has an entire book specifically on grief, which includes a chapter on pet
loss. I just read the few chapters I needed and my soul felt soothed.
Then, I pressed myself
to understand that I had done my best with what I knew. I pitched the
misplaced guilt I was heaping upon myself, and you should, too. Frenchy was
ready, as were you. We can’t understand from this perspective how or why,
but we can understand that such “accidents” are not random, and that
there is a greater “self” at play in our lives.
Finally, in addition to
allowing the grief, I would also “wallow” in any truths of a greater reality
that came to mind and gave me comfort: We are all eternal. Painful life
moments are but a tiny, tiny, tiny blip on the map of our souls. Love is
what matters most and it can never be taken away or diminished. We meet our
loved ones again, and can and will be with them forever. Our departed loved
ones are now supremely happy, and deeply wish we would snap out of our funk
and be happy too, even without them physically in our lives.
You will be happy again,
much sooner than you think, and when that day comes, don’t for one second
let yourself feel guilty about it... your “Buddha in a fur coat” would be so
disappointed! ;)
