What you focus on increases.
That’s the law of attraction at its core, and it’s my experience in my relationship, and what I witness with my clients.
When I repeatedly suggested my husband ask for a raise at work, what I was really saying was, “You don’t make enough money.”
Eventually, he stopped making money altogether.
That’s how good I am at manifesting what I focus on.
You could say that was his decision and I just happened to be married to him, but when I decided to focus on how he was a good provider, he started a very successful business.
That was 14 years ago and his business is still going strong.
I’ve been calling him Mr. Moneybags the entire time.
That doesn’t seem like a stretch at all now, but it sure did at first.
It didn’t take long for him to live up to my Spouse Fulfilling Prophecy (SFP).
I created my SFP because I decided to focus on what I wanted instead of what I didn’t want.
I’m just one example. I see women create the kind of relationship they dream about all the time by focusing on what they want instead of what they don’t want.
But what about the other person’s decisions, you might wonder. Don’t they get a say about what’s going to happen too?
Of course they do. But you have more influence than you think. In fact, you hold the key to how your partner will respond to you.
Here are the steps to using the Law of Attraction to create what you want in your love life:
1. Find Your Complaint
Every woman I’ve ever worked with has a complaint about men (i.e., they just want sex, there aren’t any good ones, they don’t want relationships) or her man specifically (i.e., he’s controlling, narcissistic or preoccupied).
For her, the complaint is just how it is—that’s reality. She has no concept that what she’s telling me is actually the reality she’s created by focusing on it.
I can understand because I remember feeling the same way before I learned how to apply the law of attraction for relationships.
The good news is that your complaint is exactly what you need to get started with using the law of attraction.
Whatever you don’t like about your relationship (or lack thereof) is what you’ve been attracting and creating.
So to get started, write down your biggest complaint: He never wants to spend time with you. He’s always grumpy. You never meet anyone interesting.
2. Flip Your Complaint Upside Down
Under every complaint is a hidden desire. What’s yours?
Is it that he would spend as much time with you as possible? Is it that he’d be cheerful? Is it that you’d meet a man you’re interested in?
Complaining is the lazy way to express your desire. Find your desire by putting it in the positive, then write it down.
Mine looked like this:
Complaint: He doesn’t make enough money.
Desire: He’s a good provider—he’s Mr. Moneybags.
3. Say Your Spouse-Fulfilling Prophecy Out Loud
If you’re in a relationship and want to have a more gratifying experience, you’ll want to repeat your SFP to yourself and to him.
It’s going to feel funny when you first say it. That’s a good sign. It means you’re uncomfortable because you’re making a change.
Things have to change if they are going to improve.
Patricia was unwittingly using the law of attraction to create distance in her marriage by repeating the mantra, “You never want to spend time with me.”
She was focused on the many times her husband chose to do something other than spend time with her. She was hurt and angry every time, and she couldn’t understand why he would be so neglectful.
When we spoke about it, Patricia began to see that she may have been contributing to the problem by affirming it with an SFP, and gathering evidence for her belief—even though it wasn’t serving her.
She decided her new SFP would be “I know you want to spend time with me.”
Soon after, when her husband accepted an invite from a friend to go mountain biking one Saturday instead of spending time with her, Patricia responded with her old mantra, “You never want to spend time with me!” and left in a huff.
A few minutes later, Patricia went back and said, “I’m sorry I got upset. I know you want to spend time with me. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”
It felt like a crazy thing to say. She wondered if he would question her, since it felt like such a departure from reality—at least the one she had been focused on.
Minutes later, she was shocked when her husband said that he had called his friend to cancel because, “I told him I wanted to spend time with you.”
Focusing on what you want instead of what you don’t want may take getting used to, but having the relationship you crave—the kind that’s exhilarating and vibrant—is worth it.
If you find yourself thinking it would never work because your relationship (or lack thereof) is so difficult, broken or troubled, consider changing that with a Spouse Fulfilling Prophecy.
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